If you are afraid of other people’s judgement – what they think of how you behave, what you wear, what you say – you name it, then you can high-five me because that’s where I’ve been in my life for decades. But not anymore. It took me a long time to realize how this fear clips my wings and stops me from living my life to the fullest. My point of view has changed once I had these AHA moments:
1. We don’t have any influence on what people think.
None! It’s good and bad at the same time. We may be polished and try to do everything perfect and we’d still have haters because we’d be “too polished”. On the other hand, let’s take a look at the bad-boy-phenomenon. Shady, not trustworthy and definitely not someone you can count on always finds girls who think they’re attractive. How people view others is related to their own stories, experiences and – shocking but true – how they view themselves. If people don’t particularly like themselves they will always be searching for flaws in others because they think it will make them feel better.
2. 99% of the judgement is imaginary.
Why? Because people will only tell you 1% of what they think of you. My husband is 20 years older than me. It never bothered me and was never an issue for us. But when we got together we made the lives of the rumor-mongers so much more exciting (you’re welcome guys! 🙂 ) In fact, there was only one person who ever said to my face “when you guys go out, people must think you’re his daughter!”. First, I was shocked, but then I was really impressed by his courage. I mean, who says things like that directly? So how do you even know what people think of you if they don’t tell you? You can’t ask everybody. Who has the time to do that? And what for? So why worry about something you don’t even know? What|s the point in creating it in your head?
“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me danger is very real but fear is a choice.”― Will Smith
3. People’s judgement has no influence on you.
Ok, let’s say your neighbor doesn’t like your hair color, your colleague would have never dated a guy like your boyfriend and your friend thinks your furniture taste is disputed. What does it do to you? Can these opinions change your lifestyle? Do you go and immediately spend a fortune on new furniture? No, of course not. You like what you like and that’s it. The judgement won’t change who you are, it won’t kill you and it won’t even bite you. I know I couldn’t care less.
People have opinions on everything. Especially if they’re not happy with their own lives, they try to influence the lives of others and criticize them. By the way – if you want to stop judging others, you need to start with yourself. I am willing to live a life as judgement free as possible. Therefore I don’t feel comfortable around people who only criticize others. What you are afraid of is imagined. And did you know that fear isn’t real too? Gabrielle Bernstein says:
F.E.A.R = False Evidence Appearing Real
When it gets tough just use her mantra: “Love did not create this and so it is not real.”
see you soon!